Another day, and I just got old;
I'm in bed feeling rather cold.
If ever I had a magical charm,
I'd wish for you to keep me warm.
The trials of the heart are the hardest to bear -
They worry you though you try not to care.
But 'tis human nature in the pursuit of love,
To do bad things if the heart's just had enough!
If there was a moment I could fore'er keep,
From memories hidden somewhere deep,
It'd be the day we met - your smile so sweet;
How you charmed me in ways e'er so discreet.
I used to dream in colours blue,
But as of late when I'm lying in bed,
I only see dreams in colours red -
Red means I'm thinking of you.
As I tread the path of dreams tonight once more,
Thru the passages in my mind I enter that open door.
Inside you'll be there to help be drown my sorrow,
And we'll hide away till morning comes tomorrow.
Perched on the terrace beneath the shade of a blue night,
I stare out into the darkness and pretend I'm not alone.
Your voice echoes in my head and I'd call you on the phone,
But I've got theories to learn and passages to read tonight.
So I guess I'll close my eyes and think of you again,
And in my mind's eye I'll stare at that picture of you.
As minutes turn to hours I'll get by and pretend,
That I'm not alone; that I was somewhere with you.
The silence fills my mind with emotions in shades red & blue;
Thoughts in my mind that seem to float round images of you.
Red for the passion that you stir within this tired heart;
Blue for the emptiness in knowing that we are so far apart!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
From This Heart Painted Black
As I lie down to sleep, I know she's crying;
With every breath I take she weeps for me.
I close my eyes, and try to get to sleeping,
But in the darkness I feel her surround me.
Valentine's Day is just around the corner -
We should be laughing; deeply in love.
But things have changed as I've grown older,
This troubled heart, it's just had enough.
I wish I could hold you for one last time;
Sing to you of times you've had with me.
I know it's cruel, but tell me is it a crime,
To walk where this heart of mine takes me?
I don't want to leave, or tell you goodbye;
I'll take it all back and change this ending.
But now you've bled this heart all but dry,
And all it yearns for is a new beginning.
I won't ever forget you; yes I never will -
Everything I do will remind me of you.
I pray someday if my heart's beating still,
It will find it's way back... back to you.
With every breath I take she weeps for me.
I close my eyes, and try to get to sleeping,
But in the darkness I feel her surround me.
Valentine's Day is just around the corner -
We should be laughing; deeply in love.
But things have changed as I've grown older,
This troubled heart, it's just had enough.
I wish I could hold you for one last time;
Sing to you of times you've had with me.
I know it's cruel, but tell me is it a crime,
To walk where this heart of mine takes me?
I don't want to leave, or tell you goodbye;
I'll take it all back and change this ending.
But now you've bled this heart all but dry,
And all it yearns for is a new beginning.
I won't ever forget you; yes I never will -
Everything I do will remind me of you.
I pray someday if my heart's beating still,
It will find it's way back... back to you.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Ballad of the Broken
The walls you've built I understand -
You must've tried hard; built them by hand.
But I'll come a knockin' every once in a while,
For these legs won't last me another mile.
You used to shelter me from demons my own.
The smiles you gave, the care you've shown;
I did not deserve them, nor did I realise -
I'd need them so much as this heart slowly dies.
You've always wanted to know me better -
You waited patiently but alas I never
Walked in thru the door you kept open;
I watched as slowly it closed again.
I started on my way like I always have;
Tried to hide my guilt with a smile or a laugh.
And as it was it wasn't long before
I found I'd left my heart there at your door.
The ballads we've shared; each and every line -
I've kept them safe and many a time,
I read them again and for a while,
I'd remember how you always made me smile.
So if the light fades and it gets cold inside,
And you feel like taking a walk outside -
Open the door and you'll find me waiting;
And yes I'd promise I won't ever be leaving!
You must've tried hard; built them by hand.
But I'll come a knockin' every once in a while,
For these legs won't last me another mile.
You used to shelter me from demons my own.
The smiles you gave, the care you've shown;
I did not deserve them, nor did I realise -
I'd need them so much as this heart slowly dies.
You've always wanted to know me better -
You waited patiently but alas I never
Walked in thru the door you kept open;
I watched as slowly it closed again.
I started on my way like I always have;
Tried to hide my guilt with a smile or a laugh.
And as it was it wasn't long before
I found I'd left my heart there at your door.
The ballads we've shared; each and every line -
I've kept them safe and many a time,
I read them again and for a while,
I'd remember how you always made me smile.
So if the light fades and it gets cold inside,
And you feel like taking a walk outside -
Open the door and you'll find me waiting;
And yes I'd promise I won't ever be leaving!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wish You Were Here
With the sorrow and pain I bear,
I search for a face that'll care.
But I can think of only you my dear;
Oh! How I wish that you were near!
The fire still burns inside this heart;
On it shall rage though we are apart.
My lips, tainted with the taste of yours;
Though words fail me my love endures.
I wish that I'd met you much earlier,
For the precious times we had together -
They ne'er seem enough to satisfy;
I am helpless against these tears I cry.
The days drift on and I am alone;
No one cares - to each his own.
But you were mine, yes you were -
Before these tears e'er so bitter.
I gaze ahead into the still darkness;
Empty and longing for your caress.
I cry your name out into the distance;
Nothing - just the sound of silence.
Do you hear me calling out to you?
Do you think of the love we knew?
And if you remember what we had,
Does it ever make you feel sad?
For in all that time in yesteryears,
I was always there to catch your tears.
But now my hands are numb with fear,
And I call for you, but you are not here.
The wind picks up, the cold seeps in,
And though the fire still burns within -
It starts to wither and I shed a tear;
Oh! How I wish that you were here!
I search for a face that'll care.
But I can think of only you my dear;
Oh! How I wish that you were near!
The fire still burns inside this heart;
On it shall rage though we are apart.
My lips, tainted with the taste of yours;
Though words fail me my love endures.
I wish that I'd met you much earlier,
For the precious times we had together -
They ne'er seem enough to satisfy;
I am helpless against these tears I cry.
The days drift on and I am alone;
No one cares - to each his own.
But you were mine, yes you were -
Before these tears e'er so bitter.
I gaze ahead into the still darkness;
Empty and longing for your caress.
I cry your name out into the distance;
Nothing - just the sound of silence.
Do you hear me calling out to you?
Do you think of the love we knew?
And if you remember what we had,
Does it ever make you feel sad?
For in all that time in yesteryears,
I was always there to catch your tears.
But now my hands are numb with fear,
And I call for you, but you are not here.
The wind picks up, the cold seeps in,
And though the fire still burns within -
It starts to wither and I shed a tear;
Oh! How I wish that you were here!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
In Between Dreams
I am cold. The incessant downpour during the past week has left me cold – not so much on the outside (those who know me I am sure will know what I am talking about), but rather on the inside. I am empty. Something – physical, abstract, real or a figment of my imagination – has hollowed me out; whatever fire was raging inside me is now nothing more than a few lingering embers. I try to keep myself warm, but my hands have become numb, and even my breath seems to be laced with an air of emptiness – a cold, dead sigh escapes from me.
“Is this what I have become?”
The days have gone by too quickly – and so has my sense of reality. I am at a loss trying to remember when it was I last wrote. But still, I remember with what emotional fervor I used to write – every rhyme, every line in my poems wrought with an undercurrent of tears – of joy and of pain. I remember the nights out in the darkness, staring up at the sky, beckoning to The Man Upstairs to show me a purpose for living the life I do. Then, there were the nights where I’d lie in bed, with nothing but distant echoes to keep me company, still wearing the smile from thinking about that fair maiden or the other.
I close my eyes. I take myself back to those days under the remorseless sun, riding a bright red bicycle to class. The sun was harsh, and I was harsh upon myself too – I was much thinner, and my eyes betrayed the many nights I’d gone without sleep. Still, I was content. It was unpleasant, it was hell, but it was a hell whose fires could only burn to bring the dogged determination within me. I felt alive. I was living. But hell it seems, comes in many forms.
I am home. It’s summer vacation. Family, friends, good food – what more do you want? Well, I’ve found out the hard way that there’s so much more to life than the simple pleasures we simply love to whimper about. Amidst the anxiety I felt to be back home, I have forgotten what it was to be me. Here I am catered to by my loving family; all my needs looked after. I barely have to lift a finger. But there’s a problem – I feel empty. I sit down; I search my soul for emotions – feelings of love, joy, happiness. It is not there. A prevailing sadness overcomes any desire to communicate, to socialize. I have become an emotional recluse. It is a startling realization.
Having been away in a foreign land, lost in my determination to fulfill my obligations to family and society, I have inadvertently and inevitably bid farewell to the life I knew. I come home – the streets, the houses are the same. But they are not. No, that cannot be. It is I who is not the same. I used to walk these streets – finding happiness in the faces of passers-by. Now they look sad. No, that cannot be. It is I who has become sad, devoid of emotion. I call upon old friends – they used to smile and laugh and play. Now they sit quietly in some corner and smile at me. They know that I am not the same. I want to be the same. I want to feel again. I want to take myself back to the time when I’d sing a ballad under the window of some lass under the night sky with my closest friends beside me. I want to… … … there are just so many things I wish I could do again. But no, the window is never open now – the lass has long gone, my friends too. The figures before me have their faces, but they are not the friends I once knew. They have moved on with life’s journey, while I… remain.
My hands start to shake. Somewhere deep inside… I feel a warmness start to resonate. Slowly but surely it spreads; my heart long frozen begins to thaw. I breathe – the air around me tastes different – it seems so much more alive! My hands once numb from the cold now reach out and begin to write - a poem perhaps? No, the words are not poetic; the lines are much too long. Then what am I writing? A ballad overflowing with rapture surely… but no – the words that flow from my hands are sad, dreary. I write two verses then I stop. It stops. My hands will write no more. I stare at what I’ve just written, and as I stare blankly at it a whisper, a soft voice starts singing in my head. A tune! I have written the words to a song!
My eyes light up – after so long I’ve written again! I immediately rush out of the toilet (!), and with my phone (where the words are written) I call a friend from my old band:
“Dude! I just had a great idea for a song! We should totally work on this!”
…
“What? I said I just had… oh! Sorry. Enjoy your dinner. I’ll call you later… um… it’s really great…”
…
…
“Dammit.”
____________________________________________________________________
It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. Even at this very moment my face is turning red and my nose is getting bigger by the second – I am embarrassed. I’ve had writer’s block… is my attempt at an excuse. Well, recently though, I managed to pen some lyrics to a song that me and the guys from my old band are working on, and it gave me a desire to write something more. As in the passage above, I did come up with them while in the toilet. As usual I had let my mind wander off quite far and all of a sudden the following lines came to me:
"Never felt this way, in this life I'm leading;
Guess I'm here to stay, I'm feeling weak I'm bleeding.
My soul escapes from me, only death is waiting;
For all eternity, I've got nothing to believe in.
There's a door inside my head, that just won't open;
Hear the calling of the dead, don't wanna hear them pleading.
I try to run away, don't care what's gonna happen;
Guess I'll find my way, from this place I'm leavin'..."
Not the most poetic lines I’ve written, but they worked. I somehow came up with the vocal line there and then, and I immediately called up a friend who was the bassist in my old band. He was having dinner.
“Is this what I have become?”
The days have gone by too quickly – and so has my sense of reality. I am at a loss trying to remember when it was I last wrote. But still, I remember with what emotional fervor I used to write – every rhyme, every line in my poems wrought with an undercurrent of tears – of joy and of pain. I remember the nights out in the darkness, staring up at the sky, beckoning to The Man Upstairs to show me a purpose for living the life I do. Then, there were the nights where I’d lie in bed, with nothing but distant echoes to keep me company, still wearing the smile from thinking about that fair maiden or the other.
I close my eyes. I take myself back to those days under the remorseless sun, riding a bright red bicycle to class. The sun was harsh, and I was harsh upon myself too – I was much thinner, and my eyes betrayed the many nights I’d gone without sleep. Still, I was content. It was unpleasant, it was hell, but it was a hell whose fires could only burn to bring the dogged determination within me. I felt alive. I was living. But hell it seems, comes in many forms.
I am home. It’s summer vacation. Family, friends, good food – what more do you want? Well, I’ve found out the hard way that there’s so much more to life than the simple pleasures we simply love to whimper about. Amidst the anxiety I felt to be back home, I have forgotten what it was to be me. Here I am catered to by my loving family; all my needs looked after. I barely have to lift a finger. But there’s a problem – I feel empty. I sit down; I search my soul for emotions – feelings of love, joy, happiness. It is not there. A prevailing sadness overcomes any desire to communicate, to socialize. I have become an emotional recluse. It is a startling realization.
Having been away in a foreign land, lost in my determination to fulfill my obligations to family and society, I have inadvertently and inevitably bid farewell to the life I knew. I come home – the streets, the houses are the same. But they are not. No, that cannot be. It is I who is not the same. I used to walk these streets – finding happiness in the faces of passers-by. Now they look sad. No, that cannot be. It is I who has become sad, devoid of emotion. I call upon old friends – they used to smile and laugh and play. Now they sit quietly in some corner and smile at me. They know that I am not the same. I want to be the same. I want to feel again. I want to take myself back to the time when I’d sing a ballad under the window of some lass under the night sky with my closest friends beside me. I want to… … … there are just so many things I wish I could do again. But no, the window is never open now – the lass has long gone, my friends too. The figures before me have their faces, but they are not the friends I once knew. They have moved on with life’s journey, while I… remain.
My hands start to shake. Somewhere deep inside… I feel a warmness start to resonate. Slowly but surely it spreads; my heart long frozen begins to thaw. I breathe – the air around me tastes different – it seems so much more alive! My hands once numb from the cold now reach out and begin to write - a poem perhaps? No, the words are not poetic; the lines are much too long. Then what am I writing? A ballad overflowing with rapture surely… but no – the words that flow from my hands are sad, dreary. I write two verses then I stop. It stops. My hands will write no more. I stare at what I’ve just written, and as I stare blankly at it a whisper, a soft voice starts singing in my head. A tune! I have written the words to a song!
My eyes light up – after so long I’ve written again! I immediately rush out of the toilet (!), and with my phone (where the words are written) I call a friend from my old band:
“Dude! I just had a great idea for a song! We should totally work on this!”
…
“What? I said I just had… oh! Sorry. Enjoy your dinner. I’ll call you later… um… it’s really great…”
…
…
“Dammit.”
____________________________________________________________________
It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. Even at this very moment my face is turning red and my nose is getting bigger by the second – I am embarrassed. I’ve had writer’s block… is my attempt at an excuse. Well, recently though, I managed to pen some lyrics to a song that me and the guys from my old band are working on, and it gave me a desire to write something more. As in the passage above, I did come up with them while in the toilet. As usual I had let my mind wander off quite far and all of a sudden the following lines came to me:
"Never felt this way, in this life I'm leading;
Guess I'm here to stay, I'm feeling weak I'm bleeding.
My soul escapes from me, only death is waiting;
For all eternity, I've got nothing to believe in.
There's a door inside my head, that just won't open;
Hear the calling of the dead, don't wanna hear them pleading.
I try to run away, don't care what's gonna happen;
Guess I'll find my way, from this place I'm leavin'..."
Not the most poetic lines I’ve written, but they worked. I somehow came up with the vocal line there and then, and I immediately called up a friend who was the bassist in my old band. He was having dinner.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Update Coming Soon!
At least, I hope so! I've been off the hook lately, yes, I admit that. I'm smack dab in the middle of an end-semester exam; my trip home has been unexpectedly delayed due to a sudden screw-up of my air and train tickets; a girl I (used to?) care about that I've known all my life decided to tell me that she's going to get married; the city's recording the highest summer temperatures in recent years... that's how things are at the moment. So if I do manage to whip up a rhyme sometime soon, it'll probably be quite unusual!
Excelsior!
Excelsior!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Rapture Forgotten
I hath traversed the extra mile,
Seen the trail twist before me,
Thru agony, I'd carry a smile;
Still you serve to amaze me.
'tis not certain this emotion,
Mayhaps delight, rather rapture?
My words, bearing no assertion,
Yearn that I could forever capture -
This feeling in all its glory;
For in its discreet furtiveness,
My soul banishes all misery
And binds me in its tender caress.
But as time passes I slowly begin
To see beneath the smile you wear.
Divine blessing now my worldy sin;
How we once were a perfect pair!
My knees trembling and weak,
No longer serve to steady me;
My head hums as if to seek
The right note for a symphony.
I am confused; my vision fades,
And along with it the bliss.
Into the abyss my dream cascades,
Shattered and sealed by a kiss -
Yes! I remember - 'twas thee!
I fell for thee; smitten was I
By a love built on many a lie;
You left and withered my glee.
I curse myself, angry at the past;
Your tender kiss, your embrace
Have all gone, they could not last.
I sit tired as I slowly count the days.
The sun sets, and rises again.
The shadows fade, the scars heal.
Now as time starts to kill the pain,
Once again I slowly start to feel.
The storm passes, I've come full circle;
The road winds ahead of me again.
You taught me love, in ways incomparable;
I bid you farewell, as I end my refrain.
Seen the trail twist before me,
Thru agony, I'd carry a smile;
Still you serve to amaze me.
'tis not certain this emotion,
Mayhaps delight, rather rapture?
My words, bearing no assertion,
Yearn that I could forever capture -
This feeling in all its glory;
For in its discreet furtiveness,
My soul banishes all misery
And binds me in its tender caress.
But as time passes I slowly begin
To see beneath the smile you wear.
Divine blessing now my worldy sin;
How we once were a perfect pair!
My knees trembling and weak,
No longer serve to steady me;
My head hums as if to seek
The right note for a symphony.
I am confused; my vision fades,
And along with it the bliss.
Into the abyss my dream cascades,
Shattered and sealed by a kiss -
Yes! I remember - 'twas thee!
I fell for thee; smitten was I
By a love built on many a lie;
You left and withered my glee.
I curse myself, angry at the past;
Your tender kiss, your embrace
Have all gone, they could not last.
I sit tired as I slowly count the days.
The sun sets, and rises again.
The shadows fade, the scars heal.
Now as time starts to kill the pain,
Once again I slowly start to feel.
The storm passes, I've come full circle;
The road winds ahead of me again.
You taught me love, in ways incomparable;
I bid you farewell, as I end my refrain.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
A Midsummer Night's Scream!
In the shadows I look to see;
Break the chains of mystery.
For in this darkness there be,
Demons that come for me.
My feet stumble on the ground,
And I dare not turn round.
For what horrors may be found,
In this darkness with no sound?
The walls seem to cave in;
Housing, trapping me within'
Oh! What ever could be my sin,
To be here cryin' and tremblin'?
The ground now is sodden;
Water rises ever so sudden.
Before I know what's happen'd,
I am wet from where I'd trodden.
Ahead, still there is no light;
Only shadows black as night.
Senses numb, nothing in sight;
My feet tread on, left and right.
Out of the darkness I hear,
A whisper, soft yet clear.
A girl, trembling with fear,
Calling from somewhere near.
I stop and listen again,
But the voice is gone by then.
I wonder what had happen'd;
Who was she, beyond my ken?
I struggle on even faster,
In hopes that I'd see her.
But the way gets dimmer,
And the walls get narrower.
Just then a voice so shrill;
With terror I start to fill!
At once my feet stand still,
Amidst the flowing rill.
It is the same girl I can tell;
From ahead came the yell.
What tragedy could befell,
A girl in this horrid hell?
"Save me! Please save me!"
Louder and louder is her plea.
A sudden chill overcomes me,
As I fight the urge to flee.
But again she calls for me,
"Help me please! Anybody!"
I shiver and try to pray calmly,
"Oh God... please help me"
With that I made my way
Thru the dark, narrow pathway,
Determined not to run away;
To save her, come what may.
But her cries become softer,
Before I can get to her.
And soon I am left to wonder,
What had happened to her.
Silence once again settles in;
No more screams or yellin'.
Just the sound of water trickelin',
Down from the walls surroundin'.
I fall to my knees in tears;
Drenched in my darkest fears.
I pray the girl she hears,
The sound of these falling tears.
Then I notice something new,
Just beyond my field of view.
Then the girl she screams anew,
"No! Look! It's behind you!"
Break the chains of mystery.
For in this darkness there be,
Demons that come for me.
My feet stumble on the ground,
And I dare not turn round.
For what horrors may be found,
In this darkness with no sound?
The walls seem to cave in;
Housing, trapping me within'
Oh! What ever could be my sin,
To be here cryin' and tremblin'?
The ground now is sodden;
Water rises ever so sudden.
Before I know what's happen'd,
I am wet from where I'd trodden.
Ahead, still there is no light;
Only shadows black as night.
Senses numb, nothing in sight;
My feet tread on, left and right.
Out of the darkness I hear,
A whisper, soft yet clear.
A girl, trembling with fear,
Calling from somewhere near.
I stop and listen again,
But the voice is gone by then.
I wonder what had happen'd;
Who was she, beyond my ken?
I struggle on even faster,
In hopes that I'd see her.
But the way gets dimmer,
And the walls get narrower.
Just then a voice so shrill;
With terror I start to fill!
At once my feet stand still,
Amidst the flowing rill.
It is the same girl I can tell;
From ahead came the yell.
What tragedy could befell,
A girl in this horrid hell?
"Save me! Please save me!"
Louder and louder is her plea.
A sudden chill overcomes me,
As I fight the urge to flee.
But again she calls for me,
"Help me please! Anybody!"
I shiver and try to pray calmly,
"Oh God... please help me"
With that I made my way
Thru the dark, narrow pathway,
Determined not to run away;
To save her, come what may.
But her cries become softer,
Before I can get to her.
And soon I am left to wonder,
What had happened to her.
Silence once again settles in;
No more screams or yellin'.
Just the sound of water trickelin',
Down from the walls surroundin'.
I fall to my knees in tears;
Drenched in my darkest fears.
I pray the girl she hears,
The sound of these falling tears.
Then I notice something new,
Just beyond my field of view.
Then the girl she screams anew,
"No! Look! It's behind you!"
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Football Blues
There I was, trying to play football;
Thought I was good, tried to win it all.
So I bought me studs and some gloves;
Tried to do what a goalkeeper does.
And there I stood beside the goal-post,
Sure that I was good, better than most.
When the ball came I dived to the right;
Saved the ball as I was in mid-flight.
But that's not all, there's more you see,
I also got a sprain, and a bruised knee!
So here I am now, writing this story,
With sprained fingers I cringe in agony.
It was just practice with no referee,
But I sure do wish that I wasn't me!
Thought I was good, tried to win it all.
So I bought me studs and some gloves;
Tried to do what a goalkeeper does.
And there I stood beside the goal-post,
Sure that I was good, better than most.
When the ball came I dived to the right;
Saved the ball as I was in mid-flight.
But that's not all, there's more you see,
I also got a sprain, and a bruised knee!
So here I am now, writing this story,
With sprained fingers I cringe in agony.
It was just practice with no referee,
But I sure do wish that I wasn't me!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Lamentations In Rhyme
The moon is red, there's a chill in the air;
I think of you my lady fair.
Here I lie, without a care,
'cept for maybe the smell of your hair;
The touch of your skin. And tonight as I stare,
Into the darkness I say a prayer,
That you might save me from this nightmare.
And as the night begins to grow cold,
I start to long for someone to hold.
All the pain I've caused, the lies I've told,
Since the day we met, in days of old,
Serve only to make my torment two-fold.
So now I ask, if I may be so bold,
Could you love a heart grown so cold?
'cause I can't go on, if truth be told;
The pain inside's too much to bear.
For all the lies and secrets I've sold,
Pull at my heart as it begins to tear.
But I'll hold on, come what may,
If I knew there'd come a day,
When you'd hear this humble plea,
And break the chains to set me free.
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